Its been a while...

Where have I been this past month and a half!?

Well, I've been doing a lot better lately. I've made a fair amount of progress in this whole thing. I'm not sure what I attribute it to... but it has just sort of happened.

I am not sure what I do and dont believe. But I am over feeling like Mormons are the only true church... In fact I always felt that whole sentiment was somewhat nonsensical. (ever since I was small...) But now if I apply that to my life, I can feel more comfortable with going forward, and not being afraid of being and living as a gay man.

I am less afraid. I am more confident. I don't really think its some horrible thing anymore. It is what it is. Why should I live my life in constant fear of going to hell? Why should I buy into the argument that this is some temporary thing, and that in the afterlife i'll be 'perfected' and become straight? That doesnt make sense to me, at all. Moreover, I simply dont agree with that idea. Gay is gay. Straight is straight. Heaven is heaven. If there is one thing I strongly believe in, its diversity. People, life, the afterlife, should NOT be all the same. We should be different. And I find beauty in our differences. I believe and hope that God finds beauty in our differences and creates diversity so we can find beauty, happiness and life in it. That includes gay people. I'd die another death (after I die the first time...haha) of boredom if "heaven" is the way its described in Mormon doctrines. I want the peace and happiness that they describe. But who says they have a copyright to that?

My views on life, on afterlife are much more open, much more fluid and less set in the words of books and prophets of old. These, to me, are mostly good examples of what people should strive to be. But I dont think that only one set of people have it 100% right. But look at Gandhi, look at, Mother Teresa, look at Princess Diana... Gandhi for one did not practice western religion. Do I believe that he will choose mormonism in the afterlife, or that he should have to? No, I do not believe that. I see truth and beauty in all people, as they were, as they are, and as they will always be.

Maybe I am trying too hard to be optimistic. Perhaps the church is right. But I dont think they are, and I hope they're not. And by gosh, I am gonna try to make my life work and make me happy, no matter what anyone says. There is no guarantee, no matter what experiences we believe we have, that we wont die and that will be it. We have to try our hardest to make the most of our lives, be good people, and leave behind us a good history of how we treat each other. That's what I know, and that's what I believe matters.