I wonder if anyone still reads this...

Well hello everyone. Its been almost a year since I last posted on my blog. Many reasons for this... but mostly because I had used to as a venting place for my then negative feelings and questions.

I am sure that most of you will be happy to know that I am in a much, much, much better place in life than I was a year ago. A year ago I was still struggling, still unhappy with who I was. Since then, I've really come much more into my own. I have made many realizations and let go of many fears that I have. What was the use of me dragging myself down with a repeated cycle of questions that seemed to go unanswered, that seemed to hold me back. Once I let go of those fears, so many things changed. All of my friends have noticed a positive change in me. They say I am more relaxed, more carefree, less 'blah'. Apparently I look happier and better than ever before... and I feel that way. I remember so often the issue of 'gayness' ...the whole issue, the religion, the life, the family, the future.... would swirl around in my head like this huge hurricane...

Now I'm not sure exactly what caused the change...but perhaps it was just time, perhaps it was meeting inspirational people like GayMormon, who helped me at the very least start to feel comfortable in my new skin. I made more gay friends and started hanging out with their friends, going out to gay bars/clubs. And at first that was really hard for me, because I felt like everyone was watching me, or that I didn't fit in because I didnt really drink. Now at bars and clubs I'm totally comfortable and I act like my stupid/silly self. I tend to bring my group of girls with me to keep the dirty boys (heehee) away from me, but I still have so much fun. I'm still shy when it comes time to meet new people, but improving slowly.

I think in my last post I talked about meeting a guy to kiss or something... haha, I finally found one... we met online technically, but one day we recognized each other at a bar in DC. We later exchanged emails and arranged to meet up... we went on a few dates, and he was a really nice sweet guy. Truth be told, he was a little quiet for me and I felt like I had to force the conversation along. In any event, I wanted to see where it would go...and after a few dates we ended up in his apartment. haha. You know what that means... remember that the embarassing secret of my life was that I had never ever kissed anyone until that day...and sadly I dont remember exactly when it was. Sometime in mid january 2007. He had had a couple of drinks earlier on in the night, but I wouldnt say he was drunk by any means. Anyways...we were watching TV and before I knew it I was making out with him. haha, it was very much an attack on me, and I was soooooo not ready. All I can say was that there was WAY too much tongue and I was totally overwhelmed. In my head all i heard was "shit, shit, shit, shit! Ok...what the hell?".... After a minute or two I got the hang of it. In actuality it turns out that I am the good kisser and he was the bad one...(other experiences have confirmed this). At least now that little box in the 'things to do before you die' has now been checked off. haha. So I've gone from never been kissed, to kissed. It was fun, but totally different from what I experienced. And regarding that boy...we continue to be friends, though the dating ended very soon after that.

So there you have it. I can breathe again.