Its been a little while since I last posted. I guess nothing eventful has really happened in the past week. I feel the usual mix of angst. However, as it was the last full weekend I had in college, me and my friends made the best of it and we've gone out two nights in a row. I stayed out late, and danced the night away at two clubs.
And it hit me, while I was dancing like a maniac with my best friends right in front of me, sweat dripping down my face, with some fantastic house music pulsating through the air... that I need to savor these small moments in life. They are small, they last just a few short minutes. But in these moments a small miracle happens. My worries go away, my fears dont exist. All that exists is me and my friends, my sweat and the music. I smile a real smile and its perfect, everything is fine, nothing else matters. I am okay- something I dont feel enough. I used to be unable to detach myself from the negative feelings that I always feel. But now I was able to forget them. I was able to live in the moment, even if it was for 3 minutes. And it felt great.
Obviously I am not the type to just forget about the future- I dont know if I'll ever be able to feel secure about my future- at least in the relatively near future. Right now I am worrying about many, many things- as usual. But I wont go into that. I'll leave on a more positive note, which is simply that for once- I felt great.
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2 comments:
Sometimes the small moments are all we have. But you have the right idea (at least what has seemed to work for the past few years in my not-so-long-life). Keep your head up. Smile. Things will be o.k.
I think you're awesome for going through everything-I'm not mormon but most of my friends are. I know they're opinions on being gay, and its tough...Best of luck.
It's great you felt great! You deserve it. I hope you have small moments more frequently.
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