Well.... my friend came back from italy, and his BF had a big party for him (although he told me he barely knew most of the people who were there...maybe more of an excuse to drink on Cinco De Mayo...lol). So I was invited to this party- fulllll of gay guys. there were tons, a few dozen in a small apartment; which made things nice and ...cozy. haha.
On the way there I was sooo nervous, not only to see my friend, but to be in an evironment where its more or less assumed that any guy there is gay. I had interesting fears/expectations; like that I would have my ass grabbed by drunk gay men, or that I'd get hit on and that I wouldnt know how to react or talk to anyone. Its stereotypical things like that, which I shouldnt have worried about, but I guess you cant help it when youre very new to the 'scene'. None of those things happened, as I found myself staying away from the main crowd, and its hard to socialize with tons of people who you've never met- all while not drinking. lol. Lots of cute guys though. I shouldnt have been so nervous, because under any other circumstance or situation I am very social, pretty outgoing and friendly. But this time I just retracted a bit. I guess nerves will do that to you.
Overall it was great to see my friend, I found that I really missed him a lot while he was away, and it will be great to hang out with him over the summer. I didnt 'meet' anyone- I think I was sending out 'dont touch' signals... I guess it takes time just to get comfortable in your own skin and not worry if someone might be attracted to you or vice versa what you will do. I felt comfortable but uncomfortable. Hard to explain, I guess??
A lot of guys talk about how they felt so comfortable the first times they hung out with gay guys etc. I cant say I share the same feelings- I felt nervous and I was so spastic. lol... shaking like a leaf sometimes.... oh well. You live and learn. No regrets today.
5 comments:
I'm glad you got to see your friend and I'm glad you didn't mess around with some random guy.
Welcome to "the scene"!
You got it right: It does take time to get comfortable in your gay skin. You'll do fine.
The first time I hung with the gays, I was nervous as hell. The first time I hung with a few gays that I actually knew fairly well was a joy.
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