Whats with the post-vacation blues?
I suppose that it's all because you take a holiday from reality; your real life, worries and anxieties are sort of put on hold for a while. And you can float. What a magnificent feeling that is. Floating.
Flying. When I fly, I look out the window and I look over the wing, the massive wings... that suspend you 6 or 7 miles above the earth. Can you imagine what that really means or looks like in the grand scheme of the entire world? Incredible. Maybe thats why I love flying so much. When you are there in the air, there is a distance and a peace that is unattainable anywhere else. No one can call you or bother you. You just look out the window and hurtle over millions of people. You just go.
I am tired of worrying. Worrying is what always makes me tired.... you see, anxiety is very taxing. And when you are put back into it (your real life), you are sent running back to that very spot and moment that you wanted to escape before you left on vacation.
Maybe I like holidays too much. Or maybe I fear reality, so I constantly look for vacations. Is that abnormal? Is it too much to ask?.... probably, yes.
My anxiety lately has to do with going back to school. Is this the right decision? Is this the right program/career path for me? Sometimes I felt like I pushed myself too hard to 'want' this- which is a little alarming. But maybe I needed to push myself. I guess I'm gonna go and see what its about. No one will force me to continue if I come to a realization that its just not for me. Sadly thats what it comes down to. But thankfully I'm in a position where it wont be the end of the world if thats what happens.
Its ok, I tell myself. Explore and see where this takes you. Stop being afraid to make mistakes... stop being afraid, I tell myself.
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2 comments:
It has now been almost three years since I experienced crippling, 24/7 anxiety the knocked me on my ass for six weeks, and that prevented me from getting back to normal for many more months thereafter.
Anti-anxiety drugs helped a lot, but so did psychotherapy, which I just happened to discontinue this month because anxiety finally has no real control over me. It's liberating. And sobering.
In your case: What's the fucking hurry? There's no countdown clock. If you don't go to grad school this year, or don't have an absolute career path in mind, so what?
I'm 52 and I'm still learning how to take it EASY. Stand back. Relax. Meditate. Take yourself off the hook. Feel happy for one day about who you ARE today.
Yeah, yeah, easier said than done. But better to do it in your 20s than wait until your 50s.
Aloha,
Dave
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