Drama continued...

Last night, I decided to go out with a bunch of friends to a coffee shop in D.C. It was a good time. "N" came along (see previous post)... and she was acting funny, as usual. Momentarily happy, and then moments of sadness and glum as well. Very confusing to see this kind of mood swing take place within minutes, if not seconds.

Our time ended at the coffee shop (No, I did not partake of any coffee... just orange juice and ice cream...) and as I was getting ready to drop people home, she typed a note to me in her cell phone- "Do you think you could drop me off last so we could talk for a little?" My immediate and without hesitation reaction was to nod my head. INSIDE my head, I could only muster a "Noooooo!" Physically, my heart started to beat faster and I felt a little adrenaline pulse through my veins. What on EARTH could she want to talk about?? To my relief, she started to tell me about this other guy- "T" that she had told me about back in september. Mind you, "T" has some UNCANNY similarities to me. He is of the same ethnicity, he drives the exact same car (color and everything), and he is the same religion- "christian". She told me about problems she has had in deciding whether or not to pursue a relationship with him...since he is Christian and she is Muslim (this is a big deal for her...), she sort of sees it as pointless to date him because she believes they could never be together. On the other hand, he doesnt see such a problem, and wants to be with her. That is basically her 'problem'.

I gave her advice that I have been giving to myself lately: stop trying to plan your life out so that it is perfect. Let it happen, let it fall into place. Be honest with yourself, be honest with him. There is no point unless you are honest. (I felt somewhat hypocritical because I havent told her about me being gay... however, I feel that I have reasons for not telling her that... I will discuss this more later.)

Now this is odd. Odd, because she has mentioned him once to me since september. I didnt know that he supposedly sent her flowers on valentines day. Also, she had mentioned ANOTHER guy she met while traveling over winter break. It just didnt seem like he was THAT on her mind. Otherwise SOMEONE would have heard something about him, right? I have spoken to several people about all this...and one COMMONLY brought up idea is that she may be making up "T". That is, T is not real. T is a figment of her imagination, used to fix past "mistakes" that she made with me. This is a possibility. No one has met him, seen a picture of him, or even heard his voice on the telephone. He is her phantom, it seems.

Some of my friends tell me that I have to tell her. Because maybe I am the reason why she is making this guy up. But what if he is real? What if WE are the ones who are imagining things? What if she is not as psychotic as EVERYONE thinks? Is that not ALSO possible? I know, she very well may be in 'love' with me, and doing all of this because of these crazy feelings she has for me. But I still dont feel like I am obligated to tell her, because it is a big deal, and because I really dont know how she'd handle it. If she does indeed 'love' me, I feel I dont have the heart to tell her. On the other hand, maybe its worse for her to think that there is SOME chance, however small...

I hope T is real. I hope T is real. I hope T is real.

That is my mantra for the next week.