Sometimes I wish it would all end. Its really tough having few outlets... and even the ones who do know dont let me just TALK.... Today I feel particularly empty, miserable, sad....all of those things that no one likes feeling.
My mother apparently thinks I dont want my sister to be happy...because I dont share the same eagerness to have my sister married off to some guy (who is mormon, thats the only reason why my mom even likes the guy) who lives 1500 miles from us. My viewpoint is this: how will they get to know each other? Over the phone? Ooh, useful. And my mom is desperate to the point of "she can move to where HE lives if that's what it takes." "Do you think she'll be happy in the long run, alone? working? You arent thinking LONG TERM. You are thinking till 35, 40...."
"I never said I wanted I dont want her to be happy! I'm sorry if I dont thnk marriage is the only way to be happy. Sorry if I dont think women should have to pop out babies and stay at home with them all day. And then cook for their perfect little husbands at 6 pm. Sorry if I think it might ALSO be fulfilling to have both a career and a family. They arent mutually exclusive you know. Sorry If I dont think my sister should have to MOVE 1500 miles away to find a husband."
Sorry if I dont want my sister to end up like you mom, Married with 5 kids and chronically depressed..... wait, thats the only way to be happy?!?! Harsh. I know.
Apparently, I want my sister to be unhappy. Great. Way to make me feel wonderful. I will admit I am afraid of losing her, my closest sister, to this putz from far away... I wanted her to be there for me when I am old and probably single.... because I always knew I would be, and she always said she would be old and single and we'd take care of each other. This stupid guy ruins my plan of spinsterhood with my sister....lol. Yeah, and maybe that is selfish. But its sort of been my irrational, "make yourself-feel-better" plan for my life. But its hard for me to swallow all this craziness in my life at once......
But then the religious upbringing comes back to kick me in the head.
Of course it is the only way. Its the only way to have a family. To have a significant other for the rest of your life. Adam & Eve. Not Adam & Steve..... do I really want to grow old with another man? Do i want to grow old with anyone? Do I just want to roll over and die right now? yes. How bad do you want to be dead right now? Pretty badly....
Now that my rant is over. No idea if that made any sense....... I'm off to blare madonna in my car.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment