Since that last post, I am doing much better. Sorry for leaving such a depressing message...though most of mine tend to be that way, its very much a catharsis for me- a way of getting it all out.
I think I shouldn't expect to feel good so soon after all of this started. For many people this takes years. Everyone has different experiences with coming out- mine might just be more difficult...for me. I know a guy who told me that coming out for him was not really that big of a deal. I was wowed that anyone could not have a really hard time with it, but alas these things happen. However, I shouldn't let this take over me and consume me. As so many people have said, its not all of me, its just one part of me.
Sometimes I think that if this is some trial for me, it might just be for me to survive it and pick up the pieces of my broken spirit, and make my life. Sadly there are thousands of kids who kill themselves over this. I certainly have thought about it, how it would be so easy to be done with all the pain. But I dont think its worth it, and its true that its a selfish act; you cannot see past your own pain and see the pain that you would be inflicting on all the ones you love. Unfortunately some people see no other way out. But not to worry, I won't be offing myself....
Another thing is that I need to start DOING things. I've become so inactive and lazy. Time to get off of my arse and move. I need to dig myself out of my hole. I've done this before. I'm going to do it again. Breathe.
2 comments:
I'm glad your doing better :P
"Everyone has different experiences with coming out- mine might just be more difficult...for me."
For me, coming out was the most difficult thing I experienced -- by far -- in my nearly 50 years on the planet. But I got through it. You'll get through it, too. As you said, breathe. : )
The weirdest coming-out story I ever heard was that of an old friend of mine. During his early teens, his mother sat him down for a heart-to-heat talk. "Jeff," she said, "you're gay."
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