Out to Brother.

Well this went well. I'll try and make it short for you all....

After the conversation I had with my mom (see previous post), later in the day, my Brother calls me, telling me that my mom had called him to guilt trip him as well. (This is common). We started discussing all of the issues surrounding her unhappiness.... and I started to ask him about his views of the church, why he stopped going etc. He gave his reasons, all of which I respect and many of which I could agree with.... then he brought up the issue of Mormonism and homosexuality.

"Look what they believe about Gay people. I don't believe that they're going to hell for living their lives, esp when they dont go out and choose to be that way..."

"yeah. well...." (this is where my heart started racing...and I figured, what the hell, this is probably the best time I could tell him about it.....)

"umm....well.... _____, I just uh..... wanted to tell you...."

"What?"

"....this isn't easy...but uh..... that's why I'm having a really hard time with the church as well...."

"huh?"

"that issue....thats why I feel I cant really go to church anymore....and of course I'm like humiliated and whatever"

"Why are you humiliated?"

"Because this is not what I wanted, yet I knew in the back of my mind this is probably how I am.... so many reasons."

.......Well, he basically told me that it doesnt change his views of me (and he placed his bets on me being gay anyways, so it was shocking that I actually told him, but not really what I told him.) . He said we are brothers and no matter what he loves me and thats that. Later on he called me and we talked a bit more. He asked me if I am sure, and I said, well.... right now I'd say im in the upper 90%-sure. He then said, okay well we can go to a nudie bar just to make sure. Then I said... "EW NO! No. I don't need or want to do that...." HAHA. He joked around a lot with me, and tried to make me feel better about it. We discussed the 'dynamics' of sexuality and he was very open and cool about everything.... ie, you're just wired the way you are and for some reason I dont think of women in a sexual way. lol....

I am glad that I was able to tell him, and that he took it so well. I feel that if I didn't jump on the chance to tell him then, I would have waited a long time....and really I know I should trust him more. I saw him yesterday and he seemed perfectly normal. I just dont want him to be weirded out...because...well, I just know how straight guys can be when it comes to homosexuality. When you dont understand something, you often become afraid or averse to it. Luckily it seems he doesnt really take any issue to it. Its times like these when I thank heavens I have siblings who are this cool about it. Bless them, honestly....